type for five minutes without stopping to see if there is a chance that at some point a moment of epiphany might drip from my moving fingers and if this is indeed the case then i may go and shower satisfied that i do indeed have small illuminated moments like matches in the dark that although may not be automatically summoned have the potential to occasionally make themselves known and if i knew this then showering and going to the allergist and doing my taxes and then rushing home to clean up and do some homework so i have time to eat and work out and find a job and settle down and get a 401K plan or Roth IRA or whatever suze orman thinks i should get so i can make joint decisions and be smart with my money and no cheese or smoking or drinking or anything else might actually be okay because i could escape it and let some of the words which carry knowledge (accidental though it may be) that appear sometimes perhaps help me to escape doldrums or boredom or just the commonplace usual life that i seem to be striving for although also fighting desperately against and i could feel okay or at least throw some things off the cliff to hear how they sound so i can be happy again to feel safe with you…