I’ve completed the circle, so to speak. Swallowed the other half of the pill to total 10mg in my system, drugs dancing in my brain. Tomorrow I start just taking them whole, and from then on I will be my other self. Or this is how the theory goes.

No side effects to note, except the one I may be creating by worrying. I’ll give it a few days before I actually validate it with words.

Before I went to sleep last night I started wondering about the other half, those with tame emotions and logical minds. Those who do not take pills. Those who function as they should. Or rather, how we deem productive. Those who haven’t been touched by fire.

Of course I am no Nijinsky. And I won’t be cutting off my ear nor drowning myself in a river. But I will feel lost without my tension, anxiety, and desire. A lot of what I do comes from those areas that complicate the simple tasks and easy conversations. My status as outsider helps me understand and relate…to myself.

Am I being preliminary? Most certainly. Pretentious? More than likely. But at least I am also sincere.

Starting tomorrow I will swallow it all down. Let’s hope that Tony will still be around to keep me company.