Wow. I really like to talk about “crazy pills” don’t I? Partly it comes from the acute case of hypochondria that plagues me. Oh, to live a life of stress and obsession. So there’s excuse number one: anything slightly askew in my day to day bodily functioning really freaks me out. However, there is another reason that I think I should explore further: I really like drugs.

Or rather, I really like the idea of them. I am past the time in my life when I feel like indulging in illegal substances, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sympathetic with those who still do. It comes from the same place that causes me to think smoking looks cool and drinking makes things more interesting. It isn’t escapism. Definitely not peer-pressure. Just some wide-eyed, childhood fascination that has never faded. Probably the reason Tony amuses me so, come to think of it.

It all started when I was 15 and trying to find something to write about for the school paper. I chose to write an expose on student drug use and interviewed my cousin Casey, who was the local dealer, and my friend Will. Will was the counter-culture kid who exposed me to all sorts of interesting things like Nine Inch Nails and transparent plastic shoes. I used anonymous names to hide their identity. My teacher loved the article, thought it was “thought provoking.” I did, too. It made me want to smoke pot.

So after the article was published (the day of, actually) I contacted Casey to make the deal. She didn’t charge me since we were family. Then I contacted Will for an “Idiot’s Guide to…” session on what to do. He loaned me a pipe and explained all about inhaling, coughing, and munchies. Then my friend Carrie and I got together some music, snack food, and lots of water bottles and went for a hike in the country to find the perfect place to light up. That place turned out to be a seldom-used barn with a hay loft. So, while listening to the Smashing Pumpkins’ song “Starla”, we packed the pipe, puffed the smoke, and played at getting high.

It was a fun and memorable afternoon, and started my 6 year adventure of experimentation just for the sake of experimentation. It was intermittent in frequency and inspired by nothing but infinite curiosity to experience the more interesting aspects of growing up. And the irony was that no one, especially adults, suspected this was going on. Both my mother and the mothers of my girlfriends assumed I was sexually active and busy getting busy. Which I wasn’t. But for some reason they always characterized me as the good boy who stayed away from drugs. Go figure.

So, today, as I swallow the latest in mind-altering substances, I am still a bit intrigued by the possibilities and super-conscious of its effects. Unfortunately the only thing I’m noticing so far is my undeterred headaches and sleepiness. And at the average cost of $4 a pill, it is definitely the most expensive drug I’ve every used. But what I find most interesting about these things is that I am now taking them with the hope they will diminish my sensuality, not expand it. “Crazy pills” aren’t meant to provide me with a high, rather, I am taking them to find a plateau.

Tony, on the other hand, is a mountain-climber. He’ll swallow anything. Everything. His only goal is to live to take one more. Tony keeps me balanced.