Despite my best intentions, I am once again overcome by the spirit of reflection that many many people feel on this particular day of the modern calendar: New Year’s Eve. It is predictably a mix of optimism and regret that inspires the eternal return to my yearly book-keeping/check-balancing/life-assessment. And at this acute moment it is also a flood of anxious sadness that I would like to try and capitalize upon.

So first the optimism: I feel very confident that I give good counsel to my friends and family. This is comforting because I know that I have these same ideas in the bank in case I need them (or rather, because I know that I DO). But this is also disconcerting because the simultaneous feeling of regret is inspired by the fact that I usually am not able to really follow my own advice. Not from any hypocritical place, but rather a weakness of character. I lack confidence in many other things and compensate by giving my good counsel to others. (And doing the basics I need to get by.) Alas..I am painfully human.

And now the inspired resolution: I want to be more of a support to myself. This may come from a myriad of other tired and typical resolutions to aid self-improvement, but the important thing is that I work to make sure that it comes. I need to be more accountable for my own happiness and safety (in both the physical and emotional ways). I need to join together with the internal me to help me find validation from my actions and not other’s responses to them. I need to become a little less scared.

As with most resolutions, these things are way more easily composed than they are followed through. But I am trying not to tie it to any other particular goal, but rather keep that as my motivation as I move forward into 2009 and my life as a 30-something.

Safety and warmth to you and yours. I’ll see you on the other side of a glass of champagne and a few kisses and hugs.