Don’t worry, he admits the fact. He almost flaunts it.

I will always remember the night (despite the fact I did’t experience it first hand) he got invited to that college party in the off-campus alternative housing project. He has always been well-suited (ha!) for college parties. A regular snake-charmer. It was very lucky he had those strobe lights to hide behind. I, on the other hand, haven’t been so lucky.

And it wasn’t exactly related to my pants being too tight. Velvet pants are never too tight. And I’m sure that Depeche Mode song can’t be held accountable either. No, I suppose not. (But I won’t let them off the hook just yet.) Whisky? My new haircut? Thinking it’s sexy to pelvically writhe around on the flooor? Surely not.

I tried to sew them back together but it seems that having the whole ass rip apart stretches the limits of needles and thread. (Not too mention our conventional morality.) I even tried just wearing them. Why is having your knees exposed considered cool but showing off three cheeks in one outfit subject to such scrutiny? Why doesn’t the Gap make velvet pants for men? Tony would know. I mean, Tony does know but in his current state he can’t really tell me. And it wouldn’t be in my best interest to wake him.

Have you ever been flogged by a cummerbund?