I’m not sure this story gets better with the telling, but it is worth telling just the same. Otherwise it would fade in my already-bad memory never to be told again. And we couldn’t have that, now, could we? I mean, that’s the whole purpose of blogs, to capture the mundane and make it sparkle. So here goes…

The phone rang while I was sitting on the couch drinking coffee and reading. Normally, phones ringing do not phase me. I just let them go about their business while I go about my own, especially since I am usually home during prime-time telemarketer hours. The phone told me it was “MCI” that was making it ring, and since the dreaded “MCI” has been calling two times a day for a month, I thought I would finally answer so I could politely say no.

“Hello?”

(pause while the computer who called me finds someone to actually talk)

“Uh, hello?”

A gruff woman replies, “Hello mam.” (now she didn’t actually stop there, but we should so i can explain that EVERYONE who calls thinks I am a woman on the phone. literally, everyone. there was one occasion that the person was unsure and guessed that I was a man, sorta. he had called for Tony, who wasn’t home, so I explained that Tony doesn’t need their service because I service him enough myself. the man wanted to know who I was to think I had the right to tell him no. “Are you Tony’s…uh, son?” my reply was loud and “HAHA!” this caught the man off guard, who was already unsure about implying I might be male, and he said, “Oh, I’m sorry mam. I’m sorry. The phone connection is bad and I couldn’t hear properly. Tell your husband we’ll call him back.”)

So now that we have that other anecdote out of the way, I can tell you truthfully that what the woman said was, “Hello mama we’re calling to offer you FREE unlimited local calling and…”

“No thanks. We don’t need it.”

As if I’d just told her to bite my balls, “What?!”

“I said no thanks.”

“Are you in charge of the phone?”

“What?”

“Mama, I said are you allowed to make decisions?”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“‘Cause I’ll just call back later and talk to your man so he can decide.”

(still laughing) “We don’t want your phone stuff.”

“Is this your decision to make?”

“Is it yours?”

“I’ll call back when your man is at home. Bye.”