What would Freud do?

Tony has a drinking problem. He is usually fairly eccentric and consistantly inappropriate, but when he drinks it becomes amplified to a deafening roar. For example, last night he was home alone and thought it might be nice to have a beer. So he drank a case by himself. He then laid down and went to sleep. What’s that you say? Not so bad? Perfectly normal? Well, wait until the next morning before you decide.

“Last night I dreamt that my mother peed all over me,” he stated while getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom. “It was gross. She was angry at me, or at least she sounded that way. I was on the ground and she was towering over me…”

This was a disturbing image, to be sure, but it didn’t stop there…

“I have no idea where it came from or what it means, but I suppose there are probably issues I have yet to deal with from my childhood.”

“Like what?” I naively asked.

“Not sure. Like I said she was very mad in the dream, and I felt guilty so it definitely seemed like some kind of punishment. Of course she never peed on me in real life, I don’t think anyone has for that matter. I suppose I have thought about it before, being peed on, but I don’t know how it would play out. I love the sound of a guy standing up and pissing into a toilet, a heavy stream of water, it just reeks of manliness to me. But I don’t know if I’d really like it. I mean, what pleasure is there to get from that?”

At this point I had to interrupt. “I am not sure that this is what you should be concerned with right now. Because the dream wasn’t about some exploratory sex act. It was about your mother. Kinda Oedipal, don’t you think?”

“Whatever. I hate that bullshit about gay men being in love with their mothers. I sure am not. I mean, she’s my mother and I love her, but that’s about the extent. She sure isn’t my ideal. She kinda bores me.”

“That’s really harsh, Tony.”

“It’s true, though. So I don’t think I have some latent desire or things like that. Maybe it is guilt because I don’t have any desire at all. But the weird thing is the punishment aspect. I wonder what I did to piss her off, no pun intended.”

“Yes it was. You are probably inventing this whole dream thing just so you could deliver that stupid line.”

“Get outta my face! I can’t help it if I think as sharply as I dress. But no, I’m definitely not making it up. I just have no idea where it came from. She yelled a lot when we were young, but there was no real corporal punishment. I mean, I remember one time she spanked me with a wooden kitchen spoon, but I got so freaked out that she freaked out also and ended up trying to get me to spank her because she felt bad.”

“She wanted you to spank her?”

“Yeah, it was crazy, she dragged me out to the barn and told me to hit her back. This only made me scream louder because I didn’t want to hurt her.”

“Tony, that is fucked up.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. But I don’t think it is related to my dream. Perhaps I just really had to pee because I drank so much last night. Oh, and I talked to my friend Kristina before I fell asleep. She reminded me of this book I left at her house when I visited her. It is called Secret Buddies and it’s about all of these guys who go to some lumberjack camp in the northwest and have lots of sex. There is a guy in the book who likes to be peed on, and some crazy erotic scene when he is in the bathroom with the camp stud and the stud is drinking tons of beer so he has plenty of ammunition.”

“I think you drink too much. Perhaps you should cut back.”

“I don’t remember caring about what you think. But maybe you’re right. It sure does interesting things to me, doesn’t it? And boy does it flow right through me! In fact, if you’ll excuse me…”


About German Jones

I am a librarian by day; I do all sorts of things at night.
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One Response to What would Freud do?

  1. Ms. Pipestem says:

    You weren’t kidding about the finding of the pictures of the people peeing.

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