I recently had a long talk with a male friend about relationships. Specifically, our respective relationships with our boyfriends and how they follow the stereotypical “straight” model. You know, the gap between males and females and their polar opposite ways of dealing with everything. The logical man, the emotional woman. The inward guy, the expressive lady. Stubborn vs. sensitive and so on and so forth.

I’ve had the same talk before, with my female friends. We’ve commiserated about our various struggles with the men in our lives. And I have always identified with them as if I, too, were from Venus.

But having this conversation with another man, expressing the truths I feel I’ve learned through my dating years, gave me pause. On two levels. The first being the fact that these binary relationships must exist. The second being the realization that in order for them to exist I have to play the part of the girl.

Foucault says: “Women have always been seen by [heterosexual men] as their exclusive property… Heterosexual men felt that if they practiced homosexuality with other men this would destroy what they think is their image in the eyes of their women. They think of themselves as existing in the minds of women as master. They think that the idea of their submitting to another man, of being under another man in the act of love, would destroy their image in the eyes of women. Men think that women can only experience pleasure in recognizing men as masters.”

This may or may not have anything to do with what I’m trying to say, but it is always interesting to mention something that Foucault says…

What is interesting about all of this to me is the fact that, quite simply, perhaps certain dynamics must be met in order to achieve some balance. Would our “guy” boyfriends exist without their “gal” counterparts? Is there a reason we are together? Is it true that opposites attract? No, not that they attract, but can they co-exist?

None of this should be considered rhetorical. Not at all.