You think you’re not worthy? I’d have to say I agree.

I am all for growth. I applaud your focus, and your resolve. However, I must also deny you your self-rightousness. And your academic obscurity. Both are rather unbecoming. And they bite the hand that feeds.

Your premise is incorrect. You had all the power. She gave it to you, as did I. Yes, imbalance shifts from time to time, and when we first met your singular focus allowed me to remain aloof. But I always appreciated your love and attention, and dedicated myself to you in honor of all I received. And in time, it was you who left me, after cheating on me, and never returned to offer consolation. An eventual apology, sure, but only on your terms, when you were ready or needed some absolution.

And what of her? One canceled check and she is suddenly on trial for murdering your humanity? Hadn’t she already paid enough, financially speaking? Car insurance, vacations, expensive gifts to yourself, whisky, and that is only in a matter of weeks. Who is to say how much you actually took over the years. Yes, it was offered (all except that final $3,000–your fee) but that doesn’t mean you were entitled. Not to mention the love and support and desire for the same from you. It would have grown into friendship if you had actually matured.

Now, I am glad you have moved on, and we all want to see you do well. But you can’t build yourself up by blaming those around you. Many bridges have been burnt, and you held the match. Just consider some of your debts, and try to acknowledge those who always stood by you. From what I can see she was the one who always remained. Even when you punched her in the face (literally) she was worried for your well-being. That is what I love about her, and why I value her as a friend.

We have lived a lifetime in the last 10 years. Hopefully, we are better for it. I, like you, value the past and try to make sense of all these memories. But I believe it was you who said to me that I ought “choose real people over your own feelings, don’t fear a healthy resolution, and remember that relying on the stories we’ve always told ourselves (those pathetic words that make us feel whole) is as much a prophecy as it is a gambit.” Life is a series of self-delusions, and I hope you are able to see beyond the blame you place on others.