Yesterday we purchased a couch. A soft, full, adult-type couch. A couch we first met at the newly-weds’ house. A couch that belongs not to me, nor him…it belongs to US.
This has caused me to spend hours upon hours fantasizing about the possibilities of rearranging furniture. And building shopping list of other purchases that must be made to compliment the arrangements. So domestic. So tedious. And so wonderful.
In my mind this decorating revolution is intricately connected to my personal battle of nature versus nurture. My natural self has so far been my usual self. Inherited intelligences and impulses have guided my behavior. I have not ever edited papers nor have I attended to my personal affects. And this is starting to show. My belly is growing, my hairline receding, and that damn front tooth just keeps getting darker. Professionally I am paused. Things just continued by inertia. But not anymore.
It is the difference between unconcious breathing by body mechanics and the slow, steady inhale/exhale of meditation.
I hope the new year affords me much enlightenment.