I placed a jar in Tennessee,
And round it was, upon a hill.
It made the slovenly wilderness
Surround that hill.

The wilderness rose up to it,
And sprawled around, no longer wild.
The jar was round upon the ground
And tall and of a port in air.

It took dominion every where.
The jar was gray and bare.
It did not give of bird or bush,
Like nothing else in Tennessee.

–Wallace Stevens

A friend of mine recently asked me if it felt different to be engaged. (Thom proposed to me over Thanksgiving break–November 30, 2013–after 12+ years of us being in a relationship.) At the time I was still brimming with excitement and described feelings of romance and surprise and the new validation I felt our relationship had in the eyes of the rest of the world. That was true, but it wasn’t at the core of what I was feeling, that took a few more hours for me to discover. The above poem is what I came home and read, and it illuminated for me the true meaning of my engagement to Thom.

In our life together there has always been romantic commitment. But lately the weight of a ring on my finger has made moments feel more poignant. Not because anything between us at home has changed–but there is a sense of presence for me that I had never noticed before. It is the sensation of being “no longer wild.” Our small, methodical acts of devotion (sleepy kisses and well wishes to begin the day, a peck on the cheek before eating dinner, holding open doors and thanking one another for being considerate) now have the mystique of permanence and the weight of eternal return. This isn’t just happenstance–our chance meeting and continued intimacy through the years. This is a serious and conscious commitment we have placed “upon a hill.”

And it is true that people now openly ask me about my relationship and that also has effect. The ring Thom gave me is a symbol that many understand. And it is a symbol that I am now happy to employ. For love acknowledged in the world is a new thing for me. (My students are curious. My friends are excited.) This is new. This is good. This brings our private love out in the open–allows it to take “dominion every where.” Our relationship is now being presented with validation and support from the outside world. There are now more than just the two of us invested in its existence.