I woke up this morning with a lightness. I’ve made the decision to be sober. Last week it felt like stopping drinking was a punishment for my bad behavior and over indulgence. But this morning it is something I want to work on for myself.

I had a hard weekend of feelings and confronting uncomfortable truths. On Saturday I explained to my therapist that I was ready to stop existing, and that I wasn’t that interested in taking care of myself. I believed I was making choices just for my relationship and to avoid hurting Thom. He pointed out that I am too focused on the now, and if I widen my perspective I’d see all the ways I do care about me and how I’ve been working to survive and thrive for a long time.

It won’t be easy, but I’m going to survive and thrive.