I feel like I’ve just been reintroduced to myself.

Lately (which probably means for the past few years) I’ve been trapped under a rain cloud of insecurity and rejection. I allowed my husband to be my only gauge for my self worth. That’s obviously not a good idea — to allow one person to be responsible for how you see yourself.

I know the experts would say that you should love yourself, and not worry about others’ perceptions of you. That’s not the easiest thing to accomplish. So I’ve been opening myself up to other forms of feedback.

I started chatting online with some gentleman who doesn’t know me at all — just some images and conversations. He told me I was handsome. Funny. He liked my photographic art. When I began to feel that giddiness of being seen I realized that I actually receive so much positive feedback about elements of me that I value. I want to be seen as kind and creative. Intelligent and empathetic. And when I began to look for evidence of that I realized it was easy for me to locate it all over the place. My friends and family have been telling me a lot about how they care about me. Why was I blocking it all out? Why couldn’t I receive it?

I hope I’m able to sustain this new feeling of self-appreciation. I do have a lot to offer the world. I would like to think I have artistic merit. I would like to think I do good in the world. I’d also like to feel like people find me attractive and genuinely want to be with me. I’m going to keep working on that.