Tony is still in the dark, thankfully. However, his hired hack publicist seems to feel that the last post may be taken as a bit odd, or, as Robert mentioned, something that should be kept as secret. I’m not sure why, or what they are objecting to, but we’ll indulge only because it also suits me to tell my other story.

This story also features a condom, but this story is cute. Coming of age. In this story I was young and socialized exclusively with my band of cousins. Well, and sister but that goes without saying.

I used to watch a lot of television. Not a lot of varied television, but the same show over and over again. In this story the show is the Smother’s Brothers 20th reunion show. Someone had recorded it and I just thought they were the funniest people I’d ever not met. So I memorized the dialogue and said it myself. In one particularly juicy bit, Tom and Dick were discussing why their previous show had been canceled 20 years ago. Dick claimed that his brother Tom was irresponsible and said inappropriate jokes. Tom said he was not irresponsible. “In fact,” Tom said, “right now I am wearing a condom.” Laughs erupted from the audience. I wanted that.

So I tried out this line on my audience, which were my sister and cousins. “Hey guys,” young me asserted,” right now I’m wearing a condom!” Older sibling and cousins did indeed laugh, but at me. “Do you even know what that is?” they interrogated. “No.”

Young me believed that if you need to know something all you have to do is badger and nag. All night long I begged them for the information I desperately needed in order to make the world laugh—“What’s a condom, what’s a condom, what’s a condom!?”

We were walking down the street outside when Josh, the cousin ringleader, finally said “Why don’t you ask that car?” Not one to miss a beat or a chance for attention, I shouted my question to the passing car filled with laughing (and most likely drunken) teenagers. Like the audience from the television their laughs erupted from the car.

But that’s not all. They also turned the car around, u-turn style, and raced by the innocent group of youngsters standing on the street corner and tossed a single, packaged condom at them. This gift bounced of the leg of the loudmouth who had shouted the question. Shock. Awe.

About that same time, older Mormon girl who lived down the street was taking a walk. She passed the group who were muttering embarrassment and disbelief. “What’s up?” she asked. Josh explained about the condom. Older Mormon girl picked up the condom and reflected: “I’ve never seen one of these in the package before…” She opened it to display for all.

Molly, younger Mormon girl whose name I remember (who we once saw french kiss a dog), came running down the street after her big sister. Somehow Molly received the condom and began to play, quickly turning it into a balloon. Off she went to play with her new toy.

At present, Molly the adult has been missing for some time. I really hope she’s okay.