Supplanting another’s consciousness is a delicate balance of exploring and yielding. Because all memories are stored in meaningful layers within the folds of the brain, I do not have access to the entirety of  my new past all at once. I must become aware, usually via serendipity. 

This actually helps my cause due to the fact that all feelings today are shaped by how we view and remember past experiences. In the recalibration it is important that I maintain objectivity as much as possible (until I become too ensnared in this body and it’s processing faculties.) And so I spend my initial days just allowing the body to follow it’s normal unconscious routine. Humans don’t realize how often they move, talk, and respond simply out of muscle memory. 

So far this morning I’ve experienced this body (again I need to get used to saying my body) waking up, playing on a phone for two hours,  greeting his husband, pleasuring himself, attending therapy, and ordering a drink along the river walk needing absolutely no help from its consciousness: Me. 

Pivoting from habit to choice is as simple as deciding to do so, and yet it is my most harrowing task and the reason I exist. 


About German Jones

I am a librarian by day; I do all sorts of things at night.
This entry was posted in draft, drinking, excavator, journal, talk therapy, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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