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Author Archives: German Jones
Release
Last Thursday afternoon, after a year + of anxiety, stress, arguing, counseling, denial, and drinking…. Thom finally confessed to his infidelity. And what a confession: using slight of hand to have me focused on one man, he’d actually also been … Continue reading
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Real talk
I’ve been waking up with crusty eyes. I’ve been going to sleep alone. My body is swollen. Tonight he said he didn’t want to give me a hug. We talk about (his) loss or pain. I drink mine away. He’s … Continue reading
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Again
What is this? Silence. Exhaustion. Distance. I want to try and cross the distance. But it also seems like I must be the bridge that we walk across. Is it worth it? Am I fighting a lost cause? My fear … Continue reading
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Routine
Supplanting another’s consciousness is a delicate balance of exploring and yielding. Because all memories are stored in meaningful layers within the folds of the brain, I do not have access to the entirety of my new past all at once. … Continue reading
Posted in draft, drinking, excavator, journal, talk therapy, writing
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Excavation
Over time, I’ve learned that mindful stillness is the best approach. Upon waking, or still cuddled up in that pre-conscious moment, I’ve found that focusing upon the body and noticing all sensations makes the absorption process more natural. It is … Continue reading
Posted in draft, excavator, memory, writing
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And the truth is…
I just want you to see me. To understand me (or try to). To make me feel desired. To make love to me. It would really feel nice to feel special, not because of how I make you feel, but … Continue reading
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Friday Night (de)Lights
TGIF… might as well let it all hang out. (4ish days was a good run.)
Posted in drinking, journal
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Couples Counseling
… is not something I enjoy. It tends to muddy the waters rather than provide clarity. I’ll admit some of the conversation is helpful, but I still end the sessions with my anxiety cup over-flowing. I’m proud to say that … Continue reading
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Boundaries
“Situational irony occurs when the exact opposite of what is meant to happen, happens…. For situational irony to occur there has to be something that leads a person to think that a particular event or situation is unlikely happen.” (Courtesy … Continue reading
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Me and Mr. Jones 